Microsoft Excel should come with a warning label

Microsoft Excel should come with a warning label.
The other Office programs aren’t as bad.
Nevertheless, Excel has ruined my life.
I don’t really know how to use
The math part of it
But that doesn’t matter.

I know how to make lists
And I do the math with the calculator
Found under “Accessories.”

My life is so, so perfect.
In terms of spreadsheets,
I’ve got it going on.

I have one for everything-
Guests for the wedding I’m not planning
Expenses for the life I’m not living
And classes I need to take.

The last spreadsheet
Is the only tangible one.

I like quantifying, and Excel caters to my type
Like cocaine caters to girls that want to be thinner.