Use WORDS When You Talk To Me!

1.21.08
There comes a point in every relationship where you've spent so much time together it feels like you're married. This is usually around the two-year mark, and this is usually where my relationships fall apart. Over the weekend, it felt like another one was about to bite the dust.

When Dominic returned from Air Assault School (rapelling out of helicopters for OU's ROTC program for a few weeks), I envisioned a homecoming that would somehow deepen our bond, and maybe even fix the problems that had been plaguing us for the past six months or so. Instead, we looked at each other awkwardly. One offhanded comment sparked a two-hour fight, in which he walked away and I said, "either choose right now to stand here and fight with me, or just get out." For some reason, that broke the ice between us. There was some unsaid realization that our good times far outweighed the bad times. We saw what everyone else sees from the outside- commitment, witty banter, and love.

The problems we had been having were rooted in what I think many relationships are suffering
from today, especially in light of Sex and the City and He's Just Not That Into You. Over-communication was slowly draining the life out of our relationship. We talked so much about the future and our commitment to each other that we forgot to have a present. We were so wrapped up in what we thought our relationship should be like that we forgot to make it that way.

Women want to talk about everything, and I epitomize this stereotype. I don’t shut up. I talk and analyze every little thing Dom says and does. I put weight in every statement. Instead of enjoying the jokes that only we get reveling in how we finish each other’s sentences, I was just thinking about the sentences and the diction in them. I see so many of my friends do this- over-analyze, over-communicate, and over-talk everything. Just let it happen. Let it be what it is. I don’t advocate letting problems build up beneath the surface, but I do believe in picking my battles and letting some problems work themselves out. If it’s a serious issue, talking probably won’t fix it anyways. And if it’s not a serious issue, why rock the boat?

That being said, women also want affirmation. I want to know how he feels about me. And even though I do know, I want to hear it. Actions speak louder than words, but sometimes hearing the words is enough to save a relationship. It saved ours Saturday night. Sometimes when you’re ready to throw your hands up, you just want him to take you in his arms and tell you that he loves you now more than ever. It might be corny and it might seem pointless later, especially when you’re in the same position in a few months, but everyone wants to know that someone loves them. Even if, and especially if, they haven’t been acting like it lately. It’s important to get back to basics and what you loved about each other in the first place and remember the reasons you’re still together- commitment, witty banter, and love.