What men don't understand about women

4.7.08

And I only have five hundred words?

Let me begin with a few obvious observations: men don’t understand how much women enjoy shoes, handbags, and sunglasses; nor do they understand how much we like “looking around.” This is what we mean by “shopping.” Not “going to get something we need.” It’s “looking around,” and men should learn to love it. My boyfriend switches out sizes for me and when my usual size doesn’t fit, he says it was made wrong. Men, take note. We need self-affirmation.

Really, though: men don’t understand that women like labeling. Not labeling as in “geek” or “dork,” but labeling in relationships. We want to know where we stand with you. Are we just a friend? A friend you like? A fling? Someone you’d bring home? “In a relationship” on Facebook? Don’t make us guess about your feelings.

FYI, we don’t want to hear about your car anymore. Please stop. I don’t want to feel like I’m sitting on broken glass when I’m really just in your mom’s old car. Whether your ride is an ’08 Lexus or an ’86 Corsica, I don’t want to get an earful when my dog gets a little dirt on the seat.

That being said, men who take care of themselves and their possessions (to a reasonable extent) are attractive. Grooming habits matter to us. Cologne. Mouthwash. Wax your car (but don’t look at yourself in it). Pluck or wax your eyebrows. Yes, I said pluck or wax. It doesn’t make you metrosexual, it makes you stop looking like a caveman. Do you think David Beckham was born looking like a Greek god? No. Put some effort into your appearance, boys.

I think I need to tell a story to better convey this disconnect in male understanding of females. I’ve spent the better part of this semester attempting to set up my friends Derek and Claire. Derek was completely shocked when I was mad at him for not responding to Claire’s messages. At first I thought he was simply a dolt. Later, I realized that it just wasn’t a big deal to him. Claire would be wondering what she’d said to make Derek not want to talk to her, and to Derek, this wasn’t even a situation. The moral of this story? Communication matters to us deeply. Call us, email us, text us. When we talk to you, talk back without monosyllabic answers.

When all’s said and done, we want you to understand the simple things (which are often the things that elude you). Confide in us, talk to us like we’re not just one of the guys, let us know we matter. More than anything, we need you to understand that we crave being needed. I don’t want to be disposable. Yes, you should be able to live without me. But don’t make me think we could say goodbye and I’d never cross your mind again.