Do not pass Go, do not collect $200

10.23

Last week, my mom came home with the library with a book for me, not about the GRE or writing the best cover letter, but about relationships: The Seven Dumbest Relationship Mistakes Smart People Make. The title is a mouthful, and the contents are a bunch of contradictory psychological mumbo-jumbo.
The first half of the book was about telling your partner what you want, and not expecting him to read your mind. The second half was about how to play games, because playing games was necessary for a relationship’s success. I should not make myself available, not call back immediately, and not make room in my schedule for him—even in committed relationships. But I’m also supposed to just say what I want from him.
Does anyone else see the problem here?
Of course, I get the author’s point. And I have expected men to read my mind (it doesn’t go well) and I’ve also played plenty of games in my day (which did not go well, either). Her example was that if I wanted red flowers on my birthday, I should tell him, in no uncertain terms, that I wanted red flowers on my birthday. If he failed to do that, I should play games, insinuating that I’m teaching him a lesson.
Nothing about this says “fulfilling relationship” to me. Firstly, if I want to be with someone, why can’t I just say it? Aren’t we both adults who can handle the truth? I’ve always been very straightforward with men; if I like them, I say so. I like to get what I want, and typically I’ll do anything to get it. According to the author, I’m sabotaging my relationships before they even start, because I’m not playing hard to get and letting him pursue me. If a man was playing hard to get with me, I would get very annoyed and move on.
In my relationships, while I’ve subconsciously expected some mind-reading, I’ve also made a sincere effort to communicate directly and clearly. I also call back in a reasonable amount of time and am willing to rearrange my schedule, within reason.
My friend Carrie at Otterbein, who recently broke up with her boyfriend of three years (and has moved on to a new catch), said, “I want to believe that I can have a relationship without games; that we can just say what we want and be together. I want to believe it can be that simple.”
For both of us, history has proved otherwise. That sort of relationship just doesn’t seem to be out there, as much as we want it to be. When we make ourselves available and tell a guy what we want, he seems uninterested. When we stop calling, or emailing, or texting, he becomes more interested. Is it the thrill of the chase? If it was meant to be, would a chase be in the cards at all? I would like to say no—that we could just tell the other person how we felt, and that could be it. Until then, I guess we’ll both turn our phones off and start hanging out with each other in order to be unavailable.
Let the games begin.