Exes and O's

Cute title, right?

People deal with their exes in strange ways. Most villainize them, at least for awhile. That's definitely what I do. I talk to most of them now, except for one. I have a friend who hates her ex, but sleeps with him every time something doesn't work out with a guy she liked. At some point, I have to wonder when I begin seeing the relationship for what it was and stop seeing it with rose-colored glasses. Even now, years after relationships have ended, I remember the good. Predominantly, if not completely. My most recent breakup, and by far the most painful, still begs me to believe only the good memories.

Well, this isn't the best recipe for "getting over" or "moving on." It's a lot easier when I can hate my exes.

Some people--maybe even most--try to pretend their ex didn't mean as much as he/she did. Then, it's not a big deal when that person starts dating again or when that person wants to be friends. Of course, you still care what he or she is doing that night and who likes him or her.

It feels like no one ever really gets over anyone. There's not a person I know who doesn't want to trash their exes (or their ex's new flame). Even people who are friends with their exes feel this way.

As someone who jumps from relationship to relationship, I waited a long time to start dating anyone else this last time around. I thought the time would help clear my head. I thought by the time I was ready, I would believe in love and happily ever after again. It didn't work.

There's a reason why I usually wait a few weeks in between guys, and it's so I don't have a chance to get inside my head. Now, I'm so far inside my head that I don't know which way is up. I have no idea how to get out. I find myself losing sleep and feeling like crap. I wrote "FML" on my friend's Facebook Wall about 50 or 60 times.

The sad part is, I feel like I could really be happy if I could just stop being so self-involved for a few minutes. If I could put him before me. If I could be happy for the people I've loved and hope they're happy for me, too. If I could realize that I am doing the best I can, and hope that my life will continue to come together in the ways I want it to. Then, maybe, I would stop spontaneously bursting into tears (I've gotten good at hiding this occurence). And maybe I would sit back and smile at the good things.